there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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