i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
