She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
