I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's never too late to be topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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