i think my mom watched the whole time
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
