So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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