Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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