you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
