guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
