When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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