I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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