That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
