the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my liver is dry heaving
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
