i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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