I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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