A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
