$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
