so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
