Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The air was thick with penises
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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