PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
