could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
