i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
