Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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