just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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