had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
