I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
