I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
