she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
