I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
