one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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