I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
