I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
