Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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