You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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