I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
