About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
