where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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