So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
