I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
