It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
