That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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