Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
