..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
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he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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