am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
