Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
