he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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