Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
