weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
