I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
