Don't make out with my wife yet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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