This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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