You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
