I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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