If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
