i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
