I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
