Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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