it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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