How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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