I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
